Well, this is my second blog post on this site and I still have no clue what I want to write about. So far all I’ve managed to achieve is talking about peri peri chicken and the Goofy Goober song for far too long and I’m not feeling particularly loquacious at this time of night.
I have a list of things I was intending to write about when I first created this blog, but now I am looking back on it in nothing short of absolute puzzlement. Here is the list:
- Pidgeons
- food metaphors
- hammocks
- Percy jackson
- my fear of children
- mustard
Yep. No, I have no idea what clearly half-asleep delirious me from 4 nights ago was on about either. However, as I have no other ideas, I am going to try and milk the humour of me having no clue what past me was on about for this entire blog post by trying to come up with (true) funny stories involving said items.
Ok. Pigeons. Well, one time, in Spain when I was on holiday with my friend Elizabeth, we were eating pizza in a restaurant in Madrid when suddenly I see the most horrific thing I think I have ever seen or ever will see. This pigeon had 3 fridging eyes and looked like it been born and raised next to Mr Burns’ factory in the Simpsons it was so mutated it was disgusting. Also, in London a pigeon pooped on my head and I turned to my mum and asked if it was raining. That was not a good day (For me; I’m sure my dad, mum and sister all got a great kick out of my misery).
Ooh, now food metaphors is a hard one, because I think I was just gonna use these in general, but now I have thought of an actual story to do with food ‘metaphors’ (innuendos). So basically me, my good friend Issy and my grandma were watching the Food Network when my ‘friend’ turns to me and starts making sexual innuendos with the food with my grandma literally sitting right there, but so so oblivious and it’s the funniest thing ever. Like picture an old grannie just peacefully watching her Food Network and then there’s my friend like, right in my ear, going ‘where are you gonna put that? In there?’ while they’re trying to find a place to put the candle on the cake and I was just barely concealing my laughter. Ok next!
Hammocks. Hmmmmm, well I can’t actually think of anything too funny past falling out it whilst playing Pirates with my little sister and getting sand in my mouth from the sandbox under the hammock, so we’re just going to move on.
Ah, Percy Jackson. Now, there is much I could say about this subject, considering I used to write masses of FanFiction on the topic. However, as I feel I would bore you beyond your wildest dreams, I will merely leave you with the image of me, a sad geeky loner writing FanFiction for people I will never meet and occasionally stumbling on stuff that would make a ghost blush as an innocent 10 year old. Not good.
I don’t actually have a fear of children, it’s a joke I have with a few of the younger years because this one time a friend of my mum’s asked me to hold her screaming toddler for a few minutes and my expression was that of a cornered gazelle; full of fear and inevitable doom.
And last but not least, mustard. I don’t like it. It’s bright yellow, tastes like someone scraped the bottom of my trainers into a jar and mixed it with pickles and is almost exclusively used for hot dogs, making it one of the most useless sauces on the planet. Boom goes the dynamite.
Anyway, I really need sleep as I don’t think this is very healthy, so I’m gonna have to say goodnight.
Before I go, what did the man say to the armless man who was stuck in a hole?
Need a hand?
Ha, that was lame, even for me.
Au revoir,
Awkward Bookworm
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