So recently I’ve been thinking about how dumb pigeons are. I mean, seriously, can you not see my giant chunk of metal about to run you down or are you just suicidal? Also the way they tease cats. Nuh-uh bird, telling you first hand (as the owner of two cats) that that is a dangerous road my friend. First they lure you in with their ultimate cuteness before they viciously attack you in search of food. (tbh, still prefer them to dogs. Got nothing against dogs, cats just make me revert to primal mothering tendencies, such as making small, high pitched noises when they close their tiny little eyes and scrunch their little noses and sort of smile and omg now I’m imagining it and it’s beautiful).
Anyhow, back to pigeons. There’s this boy in my year who is just a bit of a smarmy idiot and I don’t like him that much, which means it’s ok to talk about him (*make fun of him) on this blog. I cannot disclose his actual name for obvious legal reasons in case he somehow finds out and throws a tantrum, so I will pull an Odysseus and call him ‘Nobody’.
So, this guy Nobody right, he is one of the ‘populars’ (Aka people who’s parents never cared enough to stop them drinking and staying out all hours of the night smoking weed from a dodgy dealer). You know the type. Arrogant, annoying and usually sporty. Anyway, there’s one thing that I can think about and chuckle about when he’s being a dickhead. He is deathly afraid of pigeons (all birds actually but mostly pigeons) and this fact, my friend, is a source of immense amusement to me as he is this big, tough sports guy thug type and he takes one glance at a small, poop-coloured bird and immediately goes into panic mode.
I actually have this sort of funny story of pigeons; well, two actually, ok so this one time I was on holiday in Spain, (can’t do that anymore) and I was just eating like a paella or something and I look down and there’s this one-eyed, mutated sort of creature that looked vaguely like a pigeon sniffing around my feet, and me, being the huge wimp that I am, screamed very loudly and promptly spilt my drink all over myself and it was pretty horrific, and this other time, I was at Kew Gardens or someplace like that, and I was just eating my sandwich with my family, and all of a sudden, I feel this raindrop on my head, and I asked my mum confusedly if it was raining- nope! Just a useless bird’s poop. So that was fun.
So, you guys asked for it, so I have decided to start a segment which will most often be at the end of a post, but occasionally might warrant it’s own; *ba ba ba da!* the Hijinks of Hypnosis! I, as most of you shall know, am now primarily fixed on becoming a behavioral analyst for MI6, and therefore am very interested in the ins and outs of psychology, and the way the mind works. Experimenting with hypnosis can give me some ideas of how the consciousnesses interact with their environments and each other, and the way mind-manipulation can influence a person’s decision making.
I am available for any questions about hypnosis and the process of causing the subconscious come to the forefront of a person’s mind. Also, if you have any suggestions or experiments you think you’d like to see the results of, leave a comment down below and I will be sure to respond to each one. I will be uploading the results of Experiments #1 & #2 in the next post, and please like and follow if you would like to learn more about this fascinating study of the human brain and it’s reactions to the surroundings it can process, and the possibility of inducing a hallucination in an awake subject under the influence of hypnosis.
All right. Cheesy joke time.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us!
Ok, ok, I know, they’re getting lamer by the post.
Vale!
-Awkward Bookworm
a brit reviews theatre 